There ARE Two Sides!

What relationship reconciling wisdom is packed into Proverbs 18:17:

"The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."

This pithy proverb tells us that there ARE two sides to every story, every situation, every quarrel. The first one to share what happened seems to be telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Why would they ever tell anything else?

If you are listening to someone "share" about their struggles with another person, you tend to feel with them and believe that they are stating the objective and unbiased truth about the events, statements, reactions, etc that brought about the problem. However, how many times have you heard a drastically different story when the "other" person shows up and asks a few well placed questions of the first? There are TWO sides.

The basic reason for this is that when there is interpersonal conflict TWO people are involved...2 sinful people...2 seeing life through the lens of their own jaundiced eyes people. The unchangeable reality of life before heaven is: sin affects all we do, our finiteness affects all that we do. No one ever sees all the sides. No one ever sees the situation clearly from the OTHER'S perspective. Our sin-skewed subjectivity affects all efforts at objectivity.

What do we learn from this? Listen to SIDE ONE with the certainty that there is ANOTHER SIDE to this story, this struggle. Do not align yourself with the first person to report what happened and against the one who has not yet shared. Refuse to listen to any accusations against someone not present. Discourage the first person from assuming they know the motives of the other person. Ask if this first reporter is willing to share their story with the second person present.

Too often folks share their struggles with another person only to enlist supporters for their side. How FOOLISH to side with a person with only half the story told! NONE of us are totally objective, even at our best and most clear headed and humble moments. We see through skewed eyes. There is always a better chance of seeing the whole picture when all those involved are able to recount what happened.

If the first person is laying all the blame on the other(s) involved, you KNOW you have a dangerously biased and blinded account. If they seem uncomfortable or offended at being asked questions about their story, you know the other side is desperately needed.

It is important that we guard our minds and emotions from being prejudiced when one person shares their conflict story with another person. Deep emotions, tears, minute details, and even seeming humility can capture our hearts for #1's cause and raise walls of bias towards #2.

Get BOTH sides of the story, especially if your are in the role of a peacemaker. Work hard to have both parties present. Listen to each as though each is telling the truth. Realize and let them know you realize that no one has a totally impartial story.