Deal with problems between you and others quickly. Matthew 5:23ff
We've touched on this previously, but I list it as a separate guideline because it is SO important and we fail SO often to address problems WHEN we should. Why would we WAIT or DELAY to address our problems with our brother?
- We hope they will go away on their own. They will NOT. We speak and act our way into problems and we must speak and act our way out of them.
- We are waiting for the "ideal" time to go to our brother. Perhaps this ideal time is when emotions have died down (which certainly has some wisdom) or when our brother no longer seems angry or upset at us. However, the "ideal" time to go to our brother is ASAP (As Soon As Possible). Even if our brother or sister seems to have forgotten what happened, the truth is they have probably just BURIED it. And a BURIED problem is like PLANTING a toxic plant in the soil of our heart. It WILL bear fruit...cancerous fruit...bitter fruit. And the end will be a MORE DIFFICULT relationship to reconcile.
- We might also be waiting for our brother or sister TO COME TO US. Perhaps we are just plain cowardly, the fear of man holding us in spiritual paralysis. Whether we are the offender or the offended, we are commanded to go. It is a matter of obedience to Christ's command, even if no other godly motive moves us. What if our brother is also waiting for us to come to him? There will be no reconciliation, only growing bitterness and distance.
- We are waiting to think of just the right way to do it and just the right thing to say. We SHOULD carefully consider before we go to our brother WHAT we will say and HOW we will say it. But the question usually is: AM I REALLY praying about this, consistently and earnestly so that I can receive wisdom and go as soon as possible?
- We think that our brother or sister will not be receptive to our efforts to reconcile. Perhaps this comes from their past track record or perhaps we are not believing the best about them as well as not believing in the sovereign work of the Holy Spirit. NEVER fail to obey because of the POSSIBLE response of the other person. It is always right to do right. And the Lord is the Lord of the hearts of all men, especially my brother's heart.
In this area of going to a brother or sister we have offended, we must KNOW OUR HEARTS. We tend to be swayed by the fear of man. We tend to rationalize and compromise our way out of hard obedience. Weak excuses become massive REASONS for disobeying Christ. We must know ourselves. Christ gives this self knowledge through His Word (and through spouses!).
A few guidelines before you QUICKLY go:
- PRAY for wisdom to know what to say and how to say it.
- Pray for the Lord of Peace to bring peace and reconciliation between you and your brother.
- PRAY for a pure heart...not defensive...not bent on "winning"...aware of personal "logs" in your own eyes...with LOVE for your brother.
- ASK one or two trusted brothers or sisters to PRAY FOR YOU. Giving only what info is necessary, ask them to intercede for you as you go, and for your brother as you are received. Ask them to pray for reconciliation.
- Formulate what you will say, focusing on YOUR part in the problem first.
- Contact your brother or sister and ask them WHEN you could get together to talk about what has happened. This lets them know you are serious about reconciliation. Do it humbly so that opening the door to you is easier.
- BE CONFIDENT that you are doing what is pleasing to Christ and that His Spirit will help you with your attitude, words, non-verbals, and actions.
May our Lord bring a revival of reconciliation to His church...starting with you and me.
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