10 Basic Guidelines for Biblical Communication - 3

A THIRD biblical guideline for Communication:

"If your brother or sister offends you (sins against you), go to them in privacy and share with them the offense, seeking in your communication NOT to win or be proven right, but to be RECONCILED to your brother." Matthew 18:15-20

Sinning and being sinned against is a fact of life on this side of heaven. Praise God for His continuing forgiveness and cleansing in Christ (1 John 1:9)! Often when we sin someone else is affected directly. We have all been the offended and harmed by another's sin. The "hit" may come from an enemy of the gospel or it may come from the deepest love in our life. Though being sinned against is painful and can easily turn us inward, licking our wounds and feeling sorry for ourselves and even plotting revenge or desiring a return of pain on their head, Jesus taught that we are rather to TURN TOWARDS OUR OFFENDING BROTHER OR SISTER, not to return evil for evil, but to SEEK THEIR WELFARE and the MENDING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.

How easy to respond wrongly in fear and cowardice and hate to the offense of another. How easy to refuse to go to our offending brother because the pain of the offense is ruling our choices. What is at stake when one Christian sins against another is the very unity and health and testimony of the Church, the Body of Christ. What is at stake is the SOUL CONDITION of my brother...and MY SOUL. Who can guess the vast number of festering wounds that exist in the hearts of so many members of the Church worldwide.

LOVE will head towards the one who has sinned against me. LOVE will choose, with agreeing emotions or not, to act and SPEAK for the good of my offender. LOVE will say to our heart, "This is my sister in Christ, I will forgive her as God in Christ has forgiven me." And so LOVE will GO TO my brother who has sinned against me and COMMUNICATE for RECONCILIATION. Such communication will include:

• Asking yourself: "Is this a REAL offense? Is it something that was merely an unintentional omission? Am I being too sensitive?" If you can cover it over with love, do it. If the offense is clear and you can't overlook it, then GO to your brother.
• Speaking in privacy. We will not broadcast our hurt to publicize our brother's sin and thus harm his reputation.
• It will STEER CLEAR of camping on "how much pain I have been suffering" (I want you to feel bad for how bad you have made ME feel!). Though there is a place for that admission, the focus of our conversation should first of all be to SHOW OUR BROTHER WHAT HIS OFFENSE IS. "When you said that I felt that it belittled me in front of our friends." We need to make sure there is a REAL offense and not one we are conjuring in our imagination. NEVER accuse someone of a sinful ATTITUDE. We do not know other's hearts. We DO KNOW what we hear and see from their words and actions.
• We must REFUSE to argue our case until we are proven right, but rather state it as clearly and simply as possible.
• We should PRAY that God will give us wise and "hear-able" words and give our brother ears to hear and receive what we say and a repentant heart as needed.
• We should communicate our desire for our relationship to be healed and reconciled and for our sister to be reconciled to Christ.
• We should think long and hard about OUR PART in what happened. Did we INVITE or PROVOKE the offense? Did we REACT in an OFFENDING way to what was done or said? It may be that our repentance FIRST will open a wide door for our brother responding in like kind.
• We should be ready to lovingly PERSIST in seeking reconciliation with our offending brother. Going to them ONCE may not be enough. Perhaps there is the need to go a second or third time, as long as our brother is still open to discuss the issue.
• If and when our sister realizes her sin, confesses and asks our forgiveness, we are to GRANT IT IMMEDIATELY and FULLY, as it has been granted us by God (Ephesians 4:32).
• DON'T WAIT TOO LONG to go to your offending brother. The offense won't just go away and your relationship CANNOT be healed without dealing directly with the offense.

Oh, may our reconciling God increase our love for one another so that NO OFFENSE will remain unaddressed, unconfessed, and unforgiven and no relationship in the Body will remain unreconciled.