10 Guidelines for Biblical Communication - 4

A FOURTH Biblical Guideline for Communication:

"If you find that YOU HAVE OFFENDED your brother or sister, go to them in privacy, humbly seeking to be reconciled."

Matthew 5:23-24: "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

This guideline differs from #3 in that HERE the one who goes is the ONE WHO OFFENDED. That is, if I am aware or become aware that I have offended my brother, I must go to them and NOT WAIT FOR THEM TO COME TO ME. I have often had this line of thinking..."Well, they are acting towards me like something is wrong. I wonder if I did something? Well, if I did, they'll come to me and then I will know for sure and make it right. I don't want to create an issue if there is not one!"

God is SO concerned with right, reconciled relationships between His children that whether we OFFENDED or WERE OFFENDED, HE COMMANDS us to go to our brother. Ideally, if there has been an offense and both parties realize it, they will MEET SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE coming to see each other to make things right! The point is, we are to be so concerned with maintaining relationships of peace and love with one another that we'll do WHATEVER IS NECESSARY to make and keep them right.

Often the offended party will not come. Perhaps they are afraid (maybe we are not very approachable!). Perhaps they think the matter too trivial (even though they can't COVER it with love). Perhaps they want to enjoy being angry (risking the heart cancer of bitterness). Or, perhaps they are overwhelmed with life and just haven't had the opportunity. WHATEVER the reason, if we are aware or are made aware of our offense, we are to love our brother enough to DROP ALL ELSE and go to them.

In the Matthew passage above, the one in the ACT OF WORSHIP is to drop the worship and go to be reconciled to his brother first. WHY? Because, as the old saying goes,

"Walls UP, Roof ON,
Walls DOWN, Roof GONE."

That is, if something is between my brother and me (Walls UP) then there WILL be something between God and me (Roof ON). But if I work to be reconciled (Walls DOWN), then the barrier between the Father and me will be gone (Roof GONE).

My relationship with my brother has a DIRECT affect on my relationship with God. Wow.

I remember one time many years ago (I am now old enough to have "many years ago" in my life!), a friend who professed to be a believer came to our church one evening (I was a relatively new believer) to do some special music for worship. He came that night and sang with a young, pretty gal. I had a very difficult time listening to anything that was being sung or said by my friend. What I knew from being his next door neighbor was that he was separated from his wife and had a lot of unrepentant guilt in that separation. How was God going to use him when he was grieving the Spirit in his relationship with his wife? Walls UP, Roof ON.

Is there anyone that comes to mind that perhaps you have offended? If there a relationship with a brother or sister that cooled for some unknown reason? Is there someone you need to stop your worship and go to?

When you go:

• Go HUMBLY. Not, "What's your problem?" Not, "Why didn't you come to me with this?" But, "Is there something I have said or done that has offended you?"
• NEVER think or say, "I didn't do it on purpose!" If our brother or sister is hurt, they are hurt. My girls have said that after they inadvertently smacked their sister. "I didn't mean it!" I asked them, "Did you hurt them?" YES. "Did the fact that you didn't mean to make it hurt less?" NO. "You need to ask them to forgive you for hurting them."
• When you realize what you have done...how you have hurt or offended your brother...ASK FORGIVENESS in specific words. "I hurt you when I made that comment about you. It was wrong of me. Would you please forgive me?"
• When they have forgiven you (IT IS their responsibility to do so, when asked - Luke 17:3), thank them for doing so. It may also be helpful to ask how you could have spoken or acted differently or how you could avoid a similar offense the next time.
• Go and finish your worship! Rejoice in a ROOF DOWN relationship with the Father.