10 Guidelines for Biblical Communication - 5

A FIFTH guideline for Biblical communication:

"If you hear of a conflict between two believers, don't react emotionally or take sides. Rather, remember that there are always TWO sides to each situation. Pray for reconciliation between your brothers and peace and unity within the church." See Proverbs 18:17 and Colossians 3:15.

There ARE always TWO sides to every conflict. Not only do we seldom know or hear both, but even if we do, we hear PART of the stories. It is very difficult not to take sides if one side is our spouse or child or close friend. In those cases, we already have an emotional investment in one side.

WISDOM is knowing that there are two sides and that we are likely to believe and feel for the FIRST to present his/her case to us. We need to KNOW this, even if the first is close to us and even if their case seems so clear and "case closed." HOW OFTEN I have heard the first side's convincing case and then heard the other side only to be even MORE affected and convinced. The truth is each side is likely to see things only as it has affected them. We tend to share through the grid of our own interests.

It will be loving and helpful to us in our own conflicts and to others in theirs to ask certain questions that will help us to consider "the rest of the story":

• Do I want the real truth to be known in this conflict?
• Am I willing to see that I was in the wrong?
• Have I realized that there IS more than one way to view what has happened?
• Am I concerned for my brother or sister's best interest, or only mine?
• Am I willing to be questioned by a third party to help bring reconciliation?
• Am I still reacting emotionally, or have I "cooled down" enough to think clearly?
• Have I been praying for God's will to be done and for Him to receive glory through this?
• Have I been searching the Scriptures so that they can shine their light on my heart's motives and my actions and speech and act as judge?
• Have I asked for help from someone who will love both sides and consider the case for both sides?
• Have I realized that much more is at stake in my conflict than that I be proven right? There is another brother's life. There is the health of the body of Christ. There is God's reputation.

If we are not one of the parties involved in a conflict between believers, God has called us to PRAY for true and lasting reconciliation between them. If we are brought into a conflict, God has called us to CONSIDER both sides as we help bring a solution. A few humbly and well-placed questions can help a brother come to his senses and realize the bigger picture.

May we be peace makers in our conflicts and as we are sovereignly brought into the conflicts of others.